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First An Atheist, Then An Agnostic And Now A Believer
By David G. Hallstrom, Sr., Fri Dec 9th
I have always been an enthusiastic reader. When I was very youngI got caught up in reading books about religion, mythology,etc.. By the time I was seven (7) I had read both the old andnew testaments of the bible, dozens of books about Hinduism,Buddhism, Islamism and numerous books about ancient mythology.Being very young I knew nothing about shades of grey and saweverything in black and white. Therefore, I decided thateverything religious was myth and that there could be no god.There was no way the earth could have been formed in six (6) ofour days, there was no way that Noah could have loaded two (2)of every animal, ect. onto the Ark, there was no way that anygod could be so cruel and unjust as the god of the bible and thegods of mythology were said to be. The more I read the less Ibelieved in god and the more I believed in Atheisim..
As I grew older I started to realize that things should notnecessarily be taken literally, that there were shades of greyand that all writings were done by humans and therefore subjectto interpretation. I then decided that I did not have enoughknowledge and understanding to admit there was or deny there wasa god. I further decided that I did not care if there was orwasn't a god. I felt that I was a fairly good person and ifthere was I god I would be ok and if there wasn't a god then itdidn't matter. I was about twelve (12) when I made thesedecisions. I then started saying that I was an Agnostic.
Now, I'm a beliver. As I grew older I started to believe moreand more that there is a god, not because I had found proof butbecause I wanted there to be a god. I wanted there to be a godbecause I wanted there to be an afterlife. This life was toofull of sorrow and suffering, too full of death and distruction,too full of evil. There needs to be something more. There needsto be something to hope for.
I believe in god, but not a god of vengeance, not a god whopunishes us. There are too many cruel and evil people in thisworld that appear to live long and relatively
happy lives andtoo many good people who die young or appear to live veryunhappy lives. There are too many good people who suffergreatly. Additionally, I don't want there to be a god who would,because people don't follow the rules, punish them by turningthem into pillars of salt or have innocent loved ones die orsuffer as punishment. I do not want to believe in a god thatwould rain pestilence down on us.
Nor do I believe in a loving god who watches over us, takes careof us and answers our prayers. That god would not allowhurricanes, earthquakes, floods, starvation, the holocaust andall the other horrible things that happen on this earth. Don'ttell me about the war between god and the devil. If the devil ispowerful enough to cause these things to happen to god'schildren then god is not the all powerful being that he, she orit is supposed to be. Or god doesn't care that much about us.
I believe in a god who created us, gave us the ability to thinkfor ourselves and then left us to find our own way withoutintervention or interference. I believe that those of us wholead good lives, not necessarily exemplary lives, will when wedie be led to a better existance and that those of us that leadbad lives will find their existance at an end.
There are, of course, problems with my theory. Since I havenever seen or spoken with god I don't really know what wouldconstitute a good life and I can't be sure that my theory iscorrect. I only know that I have lost, during my lifetime,several loved ones, including my father, my sister, my youngestson and others that I sincerely care about. All of these peoplewere what I consider to be good people and I want to, no haveto, believe that they went on to a far better existance. Ifthere is no god then there is no hope and without hope there isnothing. About the author:David G. Hallstrom, Sr. is a retired private investigator andcurrently publishes several internet directories including http://www.resourcesforattorneys.com alegal and lifestyle resources directory for attorneys, lawyersand the internet public.
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