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How To Tell That You're Getting Old
By James L. Snyder, Fri Dec 9th
This week I celebrate another birthday, which brings me to thatauspicious milestone where I am right between 52 and 54. Aperson only comes to this stage of life once, so I am going tomake the most of it. This year I plan celebrating my 29th birthday. I figure it's mybirthday, so I should be able to celebrate whichever one Iplease. Twenty-nine is the perfect age; this is the third timefor me to celebrate it and it probably will not be the last. At 29, you are not over the hill and yet you are far enough fromthose turbulent teenage years not to be mistaken by anyone for ateenager. Everybody knows that 30 is over the hill and it is alldown hill from there. However, it can be a pleasant slide intothose golden years, so they tell me.
I have come to this conclusion. When a person reaches 30, theyshould celebrate their birthday every other year, then, after 50only celebrate their birthday whenever they remember it. It willcut down on the fire hazard some birthday cakes pose. A personshould only be as old as the birthdays they can remember. Lying about one's age has become an acceptable practice formany. Women, in particular, have mastered the finesse in thisarea. After all, what man in his right mind (if you can find onein his right mind) would ever accuse a woman, especially hiswife, of fibbing here? As long as there are stretch marks, people will stretch thetruth about their nativity. Beware of the person who does notlie about their age. They are trying to throw you off guard forsomething. Men can lie about their golf game, or how big the fish that gotaway was but when it comes to their age, women have them beat,hands down. Men have never mastered the technique crucial tolying about how many candles should go on that annual cake. Men have a ridiculous notion that getting older is good. "I'm 65and still can do the work of any 25-year-old," is the boast youoften hear from the male populous. Most women will never admitto being 65, let alone comparing themselves to some 25-year-old. This brings me to a very important inquiry: How to tell you'regetting old. After all, old is relative - only your relativesare getting old. The first telltale sign of getting older is that you begin tonotice certain changes around you. For example, when I firstbegan reading this newspaper they printed it in nice bold type.Now they are using much smaller print. I think the
change relates to some economical concern thepublisher has. After all, smaller type means they can print morewords per page. If the trend continues, they will be able toprint the entire newspaper on one page. Another sign I have recently noticed is that stairs have becomesteeper. A couple of years ago I barely noticed them. However, aconspiracy is in the wind. Not only are they steeper but someunscrupulous person has added steps to all the stairs in myvicinity. We must put together a special task force immediately before anymore steps are added. A danger here, and I don't want to be analarmist, is that eventually staircases will never end and theywill go absolutely nowhere. Is it me or are people playing music much louder than they usedto? I'm not sure of the reason for this annoying change, but Ibelieve someone has been slowly increasing the volume, thinkingnobody will notice. But I have noticed, so please stop it,whoever you are. To compound this problem many people are talking much fasterthen they used to, especially the under 20 group. That mayexplain why I never get what I order at a drive-thru restaurant. Then, the week seems to go by so much faster. I can rememberwhen I was in school the week just dragged on and on. I thoughtit would never end. Now, I no sooner get adjusted to Monday and its Friday already.Whatever happens to Tuesday through Thursday? Where do thosedays go? I almost forgot (my memory is not what it used to be), I wouldlike to say something nice about losing your memory. Mygrandmother always said that if you could not say something niceabout someone you should not say anything at all. So, let me say something nice about the marvelous phenomena offorgetfulness. Ah ... I'm sorry. I forgot what I was going tosay. Age does have its advantages: free checking, 10 percent off atmost restaurants, and not remembering what you had for dinnerlast night which enables you to have desert two days in a rowwithout feeling guilty. Everybody grows old but not many people grow up. This is a majorproblem not only in general but also in the church. SomeChristians are not growing up. The Apostle Peter was concerned about this. He writes, "But growin grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour JesusChrist. To him be glory both now and forever. Amen." (2 Peter3:5 KJV.) Each day brings with it opportunities to grow. Take advantage ofit today and enjoy getting older. About the author:Award winning author and popular columnist living in Ocala, FL
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