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By Alan H. Wayler, PhD, Mon Dec 26th
We've all been there before. We're going strong in our resolveto take care of ourselves, including eating what we want toprevent overeating out of feelings of deprivation. But then some'well-meaning' friend or family member comments, "Are you sureyou should eat that?" Immediately, all our feelings ofself-doubt come rushing back to make us question whether wereally can trust our bodies to guide us in what we need. When we're at a supportive healthy weight program retreat likeGreen Mountain at Fox Run, feeling confident is much easierbecause everyone around us faces similar issues and understandsthe need to help each other believe in ourselves. But at home,such self confidence can be a foreign idea. In a society that'salmost governed by diet books and the like, it seems easier tofollow what someone else recommends as informationrather than take the time to turn inwards and explore what weneed to achieve and maintain a healthy weight. Now is the time, however, to start educating those around usabout a more effective type of information: personalsupport in reaching our health and healthy weight goals.
Get support by asking family and friends to: -acknowledge our progress, instead of focusing on whether we'veachieved, or when we'll achieve, our goals -allow us to make our own choices, even if they go against whatthey think is best for us -avoid discussion of our weight or health with others,especially at social gatherings; and -help us be patient and realistic in making changes. More than Information But what about those who refuse to do any or all of the above?Because it's often fruitless to try to change someone whodoesn't want to see another side of things, it can be helpful toconsider how we can change our choices and reactions to makethings work better for us. Following are ideas for changing the way we think about who we choose to spendtime with, and how we choose to interact with them. Gather around our families of choice. "We can't chooseour families of birth, but we can choose to spend times thatmatter with people who matter," says Mimi Francis, MSN,behavioral health therapist at Green Mountain at Fox Run. Changetraditions if need be. Rather than the usual holiday dinner withthe extended family, take the kids on a long weekend to a duderanch, or somewhere else we can have lots of fun withoutrevisiting old hurts. Changing a tradition is hard the firsttime, but thereafter we've set the precedent, and we won't beexpected to show up in the future. Prepare to have a good time. Before social gatheringssuch as family holiday parties, we often revert toall-or-nothing thinking. We reason "It's either go and put upwith the usual nonsense, or don't go at all." But what elsecould we do? How about setting ourselves up for better coping byspending valuable time nurturing ourselves
-- a relaxingafternoon being pampered at a day spa before the big holidaybash, visualizing a successful event from our perspective? Canwe choose a state of mind to help prevent us from beingtriggered by what someone says or does? For example, we mightdecide to truly believe "this is their stuff" and resolve nottake their behaviors personally. We might also have a number ofprepared responses for unsupportive comments we can almostpredict we'll hear. Put limits and boundaries around interactions with those weknow are incapable of support. Many of us have familymembers who fit this description, but on special occasions likeholidays, birthdays, etc., we can't not be there. So how can wemanage what we know is a potential landmine for our self-esteem?"We could choose to visit but leave before mealtimes, therebyavoiding problematic attitudes about our eating," says Francis."Or we might be even more effective in defusing the situation byrefusing to respond to those attitudes if they do surface.Remember, fires go out when you don't feed them. There's asaying in Tai Chi that if you step out of the way of aggression,it goes past you and even throws the aggressor off balance." Be mindful that substances we use to cope can backfire.In families with alcoholic tendencies, alcoholic beverages,often used to add 'life' to a party, can lead to incoherentconversations that can get ugly. Food works to calm us down, butthen the angst about eating can begin, complicating things withfeelings of doubt and worry. Put together a self-help toolbox ofways to cope without using such substances; try breathing, goingoutside for a break, picking your battles, even laughing! Remember, attitude is everything. And who knows - you may becomea role model for a new type of weight lossinformation - how to ensure special occasions don't set usup for emotional eating but stay happy like they're supposed tobe! For 35 years, Green Mountain at Fox Run has developed andrefined a life-changing program exclusively for women seekingpermanent strategies for healthy weightloss and health. Based on a combination of proven scienceand what works in the real world, our innovative non-dietlifestyle program offers an integrated curriculum of practical,liveable techniques that helps women take charge of theireating, their bodies and their health. Our approach is notfocused on just losing weight but on how to keep it off for alifetime. Our participants' long-term results areamong the highest of any program, as documented in peer-reviewedscientific literature. Learn more about our Healthy Weight LossSpa - Fitness and Retreat.
About the author:Alan H. Wayler, PhD is executive director of Green Mountain atFox Run, a women's weightloss retreat and health spa since 1973. The program providesan integrative health lifestyle approach for achieving long-termweight and health management for women.
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